


Things Don't Always Go According to Plan

by BuckysMyBoy



Series: Steve Rogers Can Be A Pain in the Ass [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Belts, Canon charecter death, Disciplinary Spanking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It isnt cutting, M/M, Oblivious Bucky Barnes, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Protective Bucky Barnes, Spanking, Steve lets himself get beat up in fights so he can "feel something other an guilt", Worried Bucky Barnes, at least he pretends to be, belt spanking, non sexual spanking, not that it makes it any better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-02 14:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18812686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckysMyBoy/pseuds/BuckysMyBoy
Summary: Steve keeps starting fights in order to get Bucky to pay attention and realize that he was begging for Bucky to notice that he needed to be spanked again. Bucky ignores it. Too worried after a little lie Steve told him - that wasn't ture - about still being sore weeks after his first spanking. Bucky thinks he had gone too far.





	1. Thirty-Seven Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey. Im sorry I didn't respond to any of the comments on the last work, I was too afraid if them being negative to look at them until a few days ago. I was pleasantly shocked that they were praising so I took the two or three requests to write more. I hope people will actually read this but if not, I still had fun writing it.

Steve got fidgety. He found himself kicking his foot against the leg of their old wooden table, found his fingers messing with the tails of his shirt or pulling at the clingy fabric of his pants that were almost too small but new ones couldn't be afforded. Then it became a bigger thing, he would get up and start pacing for no reason, sometimes he would walk around the house just to contain that jump feeling in his muscles - he was itching to go and fight. One time Bucky asked him what he was doing, and Steve wasn't able to think of a lie other than "my ass is still sore" and he knew that was a bad one. He regretted telling Bucky he was still sore over a spanking that happened almost a month ago, because the way Bucky's face had paled and he took a small step away from Steve as if that would stop Steve from hurting - god he was dumb.

"Gee, Steve, 'm sorry... maybe I shouldn't have... or I went to far." Steve took a second to wonder if that was what he looked like when he was full of self pity and guilt. "We gotta talk about this... I - I won't spank you again but we still gotta -"

Steve - who had been standing there like an idiot this whole time - found his voice. "No," Steve all but yelled, causing Bucky's eye brows to shoot up and eyes to look over at him, before he sorted his thoughts.

"No, Steve, we do gotta talk about it. If you're still sore than I hurt you. Really hurt you, and I know you don't want to or you're embarrassed, but this was my fault. I promise I won't do it again -"

"Not no to that... just - I meant more like no to your guilt. I'm not really sore. It was a dumb excuse - I'm sorry."

"So you're okay?"

"Yes, yes, fine. Just a lot of energy, I guess."

Bucky looked him up and down, Steve felt so stupid. Maybe Bucky was right, he didn't think.

Bucky's fingers touched Steve's hips, as if he expected Steve to flinch away. He didn't. He wasn't hurt, just very very dumb. If anything, he leaned into the touch.

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck, pulling the taller down and closer in a hug.

"Are you - you're sure you're okay? Not hurting?"

"No, I'm just fine. My ass stopped being sore two weeks ago." Steve grabbed Bucky's hands and pulled them from his hips to his ass. It wasn't meant to be anything but an assurance, even if it was a bit intimate for two friends. It wasn't seen as anything sexual from either of them, Bucky had seen Steve bare-ass naked, the only thing covered was his legs by his pants that were around his knees. He knew that Bucky liked fellas, Bucky had confessed to him a few days after they moved in together. Steve promised a sobbing Bucky that it fine, he wouldn't tell anyone because that would make him a hypocrite. He liked boys too, just like Bucky did. He expected that Bucky liked dames too, he loved to go dancing all the time with them. Steve didn't really like girls but he knew Bucky didn't care either way.

"You ain't lying?"

"No, Buck, calm down, I'm fine."

Bucky only nodded and Steve tugged him closer.

-

Steve was itching. Not on his skin though. No, he was antsy and anxious, and he could feel it right under his skin, begging to be acknowledged. He could feel need build deep in his chest, making that itch worse and worse everyday. He squirmed a bit in his spot next to Bucky, passing it off as shifting, but Bucky still glances over at him.

He wanted - goddamnit, he couldn't even think it in his head without his face going red. He was feeling restless and lost. He wasn't fighting all the time now, so, no distractions. He missed his mom and the life he had before. He wanted Bucky to take him over his knee again and smack him until he felt better.

He wanted to ask so bad but he couldn't even think about that without going red to the face, embarrassed and ashamed. Ashamed for even wanting... boarder lining needing... a punishment, things that all kids had dreaded - himself included. He couldn't bring himself to ask, too many thing about it that could go wrong for them. Bucky had been jumpy since the whole "I'm still sore" thing, everytime he would go to touch Steve he would stop himself - like he was afraid to hurt him. Maybe it had just been a one time thing, done out of anger on Bucky's part. Trying to bring up the courage to ask Bucky to just... spank him - something so strange and not normal - made him more and more anxious and lost while he thought about all the reasons Bucky wouldn't want to again.

So Steve sat quietly, heavy feeling in his chest and an itch under his skin. He shifted closer to Bucky, who's eyes flickered worried for a second, but still let Steve lean against his shoulder. Bucky continued with his book and Steve continued to draw, getting distracted over and over with the same thing.

-

Steve had a plan to see if Bucky would still spank him. He would start getting into an unreasonable amount of fights again, with the reason to start feeling something other than that goddamn itch under his skin and to irritate Bucky into taking Steve over his knee again. If his plan worked, Steve wouldn't have to even utter a word about wanting to be spanked. His body was begging for the pain, to hurt and sting until his feelings went away. He wanted the decisions handed all over to Bucky. He wanted -

He wanted so many things that he couldn't get himself to ask for.

So he went and fought. Well, he went and let himself get beat up. After fights, he was buzzing with a high of adrenaline, no guilt or fear or anything. It only lasted for a few minutes. Then he would walk through the front door and Bucky would get a pained look in his eyes. He would grab Steve gently by the wrist - completely different than the day that Bucky had dragged him home after a fight and taken Steve over his knee - and clean him up as best as possible in the bathroom.

It took Bucky four days and five fights before he got fed up.

"Why you fighting again?"

"I never stopped."

"You know exactly what I mean."

"No, explain it for me, Buck." Steve played innocent.

Bucky sighed, obviously upset. He handed Steve the bloodied cloth he had used to wipe the cuts on his face.

"Pinch that on the bridge of your nose until it stops bleeding. Then just... go to bed or whatever you do after these fight. Goodnight, Stevie." Bucky rushed out of the bathroom.

Steve frowned at the closed door. Him and his stupid plan had just upset Bucky. Of course, his luck.

-

A fist connected with his jaw - he felt his teeth snap together with the force - and he was spun around with the force.

His mom was really gone. She wasn't coming back, she had died and he barely had done anything to help her. She gave up fighting because there was nothing left for her anymore.

Before he could lose his balance and fall down with the force of the first punch, another set of large hands were pushing him in the direction of the boy that had just punched him.

Him and his mom had been poor because Steve.

He stumbled over his own feet before he was met with another set of hands shoving him around.

Steve was sick all the time and needed constant care.

He thinks there were around four guys, all surrounding him, pushing him around in a circle to watch him struggle with regaining his balance.

Taking money away from his mom for his medications, hospital trips and on days where he was so sick that his mom had to stay home instead of going to work. Steve's mom was dead because of him.

Then, one of the guys' hands didn't catch him.

She could have lived a happy life without him.

He was on the ground, world spinning from the dizziness of being moved around so fast.

By now, Bucky had to be tired of his shit too.

The first shoe connected with his stomach, instinctively he curled his legs up and rolled onto his side. He felt his asthma start to kick in.

Bucky had taken his mom's place in living with and caring for a useless boy that was going nowhere in life but the grave because he was so sick.

More and more kicks to his sides and stomach, trying to make him double over in pain.

It was only a matter of time before his sickness got him. Or when a beating during a fight became too much for his weak body. He wasn't expected to live past (or to) thirty. But here Bucky was, stuck with him.

More kicks to his back, trying to make him want to protect that instead of his stomach.

Bucky had done the selfless thing and took Steve in so poor little Steve didn't have to go to live by himself in an orphanage or starve on the streets when he inevitably ran away from said orphanage.

More kicks to his shins when they couldn't reach his stomach because of his legs, trying to get him to drop the defense on his stomach.

Now, Bucky had to have realize Steve was too much to deal with.

He feels it stop after forever, breathing going crazy as he coughed and wheezed while the guys laughed. He thinks he felt hands searching his pockets.

He was in fights all the time and using up all their money just like he had done with his mom.

They'd be lucky if they found a penny.

And now, he had upset bucky over something so selfish and now bucky wouldn't even talk to him.

They left him on the floor in an alley. Steve could smell the trashcans he was laying near but that part didn't bother him much. His whole body was throbbing and his head was fuzzy from coughing so much. He thinks he fell asleep.

-

He fuzzily remembered being picked up, eyes opening and closing and the scenery around him changing everytime. He heard a familiar voice talking. It took him opening his eyes again a few times before he thought he could recognize it. "Bucky?"

"Yeah, Punk." He sounded irritated, loving and concerned at the same time, only something Bucky could achieve.

"Buck," he muttered again, leaning his head against Bucky's chest. He could hear the other breathing deeply and it made his compared shallow breaths sound worse than they were. He could feel the rhythm of Bucky's steps, rushing them to some unknown location. He felt his world tip upside down and sideways, as if there was no gravity. All the buildings blurred more than normal around him and he could barely make out Bucky's face. "Where we goin'?"

"The hospital. I told you that these fights were gonna get you no where but the fucking hospital." Steve's hand to flew to his ringing ear, the one that he could still hear from, at Bucky's loud tone.

"Does you're head hurt, Punk?"

"A lil' bit. Not so much I can't walk, put me down." Steve squirmed in the bridal position that he just realized Bucky was carrying him in.

"Hell no, Steve stop -" Bucky paused to fix his grip on the squirming boy. "You're fine like this. Stop moving. You don't needa walk." Bucky knew telling Steve he _couldn't_ walk would only make him struggle more. Damn, even beaten half to death Steve was still stubborn. Bucky couldn't help his small chuckle.

"What? What's so funny?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Who else?"

"How am I funny, I just wanna walk for myself." Steve said, letting his eyes drift shut.

"Uh-uh, open you're eyes." Bucky shook him as best as he could in his arms. "Gotta stay awake."

"I wanna sleep."

"I thought you wanted to walk."

"I can do both."

"I don't think."

"Yeah. Multitask."

"I don't think you can multitask that."

"I think I can."

"Like you thought you could take on ten guys?"

Steve flushed, "Not ten, four."

"Sure looks like ten."

"I'm sorry."

"I doubt you are." Steve was more looking for 'I'll make you sorry'. Guess his plan hadn't worked.

"It felt like the right thing to say."

"Not if you didn't mean it." There was a beat of ashamed silence from Steve before Bucky spoke again. "Why?"

"Uh - they were - you know - um, um - there was a girl, she was..." Steve frowned and Bucky burst out laughing.

"That was bad. Even from you. Bad."

Steve blushed, he'd always been a bad liar. Bucky was still laughing. "You would've -" he cut himself off with more cute giggles, "would've had me convinced if it wasn't for that ' _um, um_ '." Bucky teased, still laughing. Steve flushed even redder. "We'll talk after, once the doctors say you're all okay. And I want an honest answer next time, no more the that _um, um_."

Bucky sat him in a waiting chair, making sure he could sit up on his own - "Stop it, of course I can," Steve bit. - before talking to the woman at the front desk.

They sat next to eachother on the chairs for what Steve though was forever, but he was dizzy and tired. He leaned heavily on Bucky, trying to shut his eyes to get some sleep but Bucky kept telling him not to. Other than that, it was silent.

Silent until Bucky chuckled and shook his head, " _Um, um_." Was all he was said, despite his embarrassment at it, Steve laughed too.

They sat in a comfortable silence after that, waiting for Steve to be called to get checked out.

-

Bucky paced the hospital waiting room for thirty minutes, asked the front desk woman if Steve was going to be okay six times and got told by the front desk woman that she couldn't know, she's been standing here same as him the whole time six times.

"I'm sure he's going to be okay. It's only been thirty minutes -"

"Thirty-seven."

"- thirty-seven. He was still concious and talking when you came in here, I think he'll be alright. But honey, you need to calm down, worryin' yourself like this ain't gonna help no one. Go take a walk and forget about your nerves for a second."

"No, no, I can't. What if something happens when I'm gone -"

"Honey, you ain't a doctor. Nothin' you would be able to do. Go, fifteen minutes, then come back. Walk home and get him a change of clothes or something."

"But he -"

"Listen, when Steve was a kid he and his Ma would be in here all the time when he was sick. Bad asthma, too high fevers, stubbon colds - lots 'a other stuff too... think I might 'a seem you in here a few times with him, don't really remember. Point is, hon, Steve's a fighter. He's going to be fine, he would probably be tellin' you the same thing right now."

Bucky nodded and let out a shaky breath, "Silly of me to think that a concussion could take Steve Rogers out."

The woman nodded, "Now, go, take a walk. Go home, get him a change of clothes and come back."

"You're good at that." He commented.

"I've dealt with frantic families before, worried mothers and fathers, scard siblings, terrified friends, anxious boyfriends - you weren't that bad."

Bucky's face went pale, "We ain't - not like that." Fuck, they could get in so much trouble if people even suspected something like that.

"Oh hush, I meant girlfriends too. Boyfriends or girlfriends." She winked at him and shushed him with a finger to her lips. He got the message. She waved him off with her hand, going back to paperwork. "Go."

Him and Steve weren't really dating. Sure, a few stolen kisses in their shared bed, cuddles on the couch and a few walks at night with one of Steve's hands shoved in his pockets so they could twist their cold fingers together. But that was it. Not dating.

-

Steve only had a moderate concussion. They said he no symptoms of it anymore, barely even any when he had come in. However, his injuries piled up. He had a cut on his forehead that the doctor had reccomend stitches for, but it only had butterfly bandages holding it closed. He had a black eye and bruises everywhere. He had a choke mark on his neck, that one had pissed Bucky off more than it should have. He had a sprained wrist, a twisted ankle and bruises  on his shin from most likely repeated kicking that the doctor said he didn't know how to bone didn't crack.

Bucky blew out a long breath. Offering Steve help to walk home, Steve just shrugged at him and leaned heavily into his side when Bucky pulled him close.

"I'm sleepy," he muttered, legs dropping all his weight onto Bucky but he desperately tried to pick himself back up.

"Showing me those multitasking skills," Bucky said softly, scooping Steve up into his arms. Steve's eyes were closed even as he tries to push Bucky away. "You can sleep, doctor said that you're head is fine. Except that you're a dumbass but that's incurable."

Steve only hummed into Bucky's chest and let himself be carried home without further complaint. He must have been exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few questions 
> 
> 1 should I make Bucky and Steve start dating? I added a scene in there for it but if you guys dont want it can just be ignored. 
> 
> 2 was I too heavy on the angst? / did the charecters overreact? 
> 
> 3 would anyone actually stick around if I made this into a series or does no one really care?


	2. Get Over Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to explain why he got in that fight but he's bad at lying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me posting a chapter instead of studying for finals
> 
> (Tell me of any typos/misspellings/grammar mistakes please)

"Please, Steve, explain to me again what happened."

"I was walkin' home - on my way home from dropping off a few sketches for Mrs. Brown down the street. She lives all the way on the top floor of her apartment building. Those stairs had me wheezing and by the time I got up there -"

"You can skip this part, Stevie, I want the good part. The part where you provoked four guys who were taller than me into a fight."

"Oh, that." Steve looked dangerously close to falling over the edge and crying into Bucky's shoulder. "Almost forgot, on my way home I saw a few guys standing in the mouth of the alley. Looked like trouble, I didn't want it to be someone else that got hurt... and they weren't taller than you."

Bucky almost mocked Steve for being such a good person, something along the lines of _how heroic of you_ but that would have cut too deep. Steve was such a good person and who was Bucky to hold that against him? But Bucky knew that the "I didn't want someone else to get hurt" bullshit was an excuse. Maybe Steve did really think that and he was a self sacrificial idiot, so he probably did. But Bucky knew, there was something deeper to this. There was no reason for Steve to go up to those guys and make them so angry that they beat him into a hospital trip. No way for Steve to know that they would hurt anyone. They were just standing there. No, there was more to this and Bucky was going to pry until he figured it out.

Bucky kept pushing and pushing, asking hard questions and giving Steve no choice but to answer.

"Don't you worry so much about it. It's over now, my injuries will heal and I'll be fine."

"You'll be fine for 'bout a day before you go diving face first into another fight. What if it wasn't me that found you in that alley? What if it was a stranger? They could've had their way with you, taken you, anything they wanted. Those guys could have come back for another round or - or you could have spent the night out there, it's cold as fuck out there, what if you didn't make it through the night?" Bucky was going to talk more but Steve was fighting back tears, looking hard at the ceiling from where he laid in bed.

"Buck, please, stop it. I'm sorry."

"You actually mean it this time?"

He wiped quickly at a tear the slid down his face, rolling down to near his ear because he was laying on his back.

"A little. I'm sorry I made you worry like that over me."

"I know." Bucky said softly, Steve rolled over to face him - and hid his wince pretty well - and reached his arms out.

"I don't want you to have to worry over me like that." Steve's voice was small, obviously guilty. "I'm sorry I got into a fight in purpose but - I - I - _Bucky_." He said, dangerously close to crying. Bucky grabbed his arms and scooted him to one side of the bed, then slipped in next to him and pulled him close. "Please, Buck, I'm sorry."

"Please what?"

Steve choked a noise out that Bucky was sure had been a sob. Steve wanted something but Bucky didn't know what and it didn't seem like Steve was going to answer.

Bucky pet a hand through Steve's hair, and Steve only hid his face deeper in Bucky's neck. Bucky felt tears wet his skin and shirt where Steve's face was.

Steve didn't know what to do. He was completely lost in his head, didn't know which way was up or down, only that Bucky was in front of him. With Bucky right here, holding him as he just fell apart, he wasn't sure how he held himself together without Bucky's arms around him.

"Stevie, why are you crying?"

Steve shook his head, " 'M not."

"Look at me then."

"No."

"Really, you're choosing now to be pouty?"

Steve just whined and Bucky held him tighter.

"Why don't you tell me what you wanted?" Bucky had his suspensions but didn't want to acknowledge them. Maybe if Steve did it, it would be easier. They would still have to have a talk if Steve said what Bucky though he would.

"I want for you to leave me alone."

Bucky shifted back a bit, and Steve squeaked and clung to him.

"I thought you wanted me to leave you alone."

"I do." Still pouty, it was kind of funny.

"Then let me up."

"No."

"No?"

"Uh-uh."

"Then tell me the truth."

"I don't - truth about what?" Steve said into Bucky's shirt, hoping that playing dumb would make Bucky say nevermind. It didn't work, Bucky's hands wrapped around his arms, pushing him as far away as their bed would allow. Steve whined again, trying to hide his tear stained cheeks and red eyes back in Bucky's embrace. Now that it was gone, he was open and vulnerable. He squirmed in Bucky's hold.

Bucky was putting on a good act of cool easy control, but Steve knew it was just an act. Bucky's cheeks were pale and his eyes were worried. Worried about what Steve would ask, worried about what he would do. He told himself he would not spank Steve again, not having believed him after he said the "I'm still sore" was an excuse. Steve had refused to tell him an excuse for what, Bucky knew that meant he was lying.

Bucky had tried to work up the nerve to start a conversation with him about what had happened. Everytime he would chicken out. Telling himself that it wasn't the right time or were the right circumstances. He knew right now would be as close to the right time to have this conversation, especially since it was half way started. Only one of them needed to push a bit.

"What did you want?"

"Nothin'."

"Liar."

"I - I -"

"Just tell me, Steve, you're worrin' me. What is it?" That one was low, Bucky knew exactly what was going on. He guesses he it did make him worried. The guilt card always worked with Steve.

"I wanted - I was gonna ask -" Steve had tears overflowing from his eyes already and Bucky knew he was going to asked to be spanked again. He wasn't sure how to tell him no without making all this build up be for nothing. He would give Steve something, he just couldn't spank him again and run the risk of hurting him.

Steve blinked a few times and went back into the safety of Bucky's embrace. "I want you to take me over your knee again, make everything feel better."

Yep. Exactly what Bucky had thought. "I can't, Stevie, after last time with you still hurt after so long and with the way -"

"I wasn't hurt," Steve's voice begged Bucky to believe him.

"You said you were."

"I told you I was lying."

"To cover what then, Steve, 'cause to me that's a bunch of bullshit. You said you were hurt then you all of the sudden weren't because -"

"I wanted to ask you to do it again." Steve cut him off, sounding extremely irritated and angry.

"Do what?"

"I - you -" Steve cut himself off with a frustrated noise. He ripped himself away from Bucky's hold and rolled over, suddenly. He let out a pissed off sound, hiding his face in his arms.

"Hey," Bucky barked out, making Steve curl in on himself. "What's your problem?" Bucky roughly grabbed Steve by the shoulder and rolled him over. "Don't get all pissy with me over something you said." Bucky said, grabbing his face in one hand and bring his face close.

Steve's face was pink, not from crying anymore. He was irritated.

"I was anxious and... I didn't know what to do. I wanted you to take me over your knee again."

"You -"

"When you asked me why I was pacing, I wanted to ask you to do it again. I panicked."

"Panicked?"

"I didn't want to ask you."

"Why not?" Bucky said, letting go of Steve's face because his tone had changed, more relaxed.

"Embarrassed, I guess." His voice was sweet and he looked at Bucky.

"You are something else. Stevie, you gotta get over yourself. I've known you for way too long for you to be embarrassed like that."

"I know but -"

"Nope. No, just shut up."

"Alright."

"So I didn't hurt you?"

Steve shook his head, reaching over and touching Bucky's hand. Bucky held with a loose grip back, fingers laced with Steve's and looked at the ceiling too. It was easier than seeing the shame he could hear in Steve's voice all over his face.

"Are you still embarrassed?"

He saw Steve's head tip up in a nod out of the corner of his eye.

"Don't be."

Steve just shrugged, he felt like talking would ruin it. He would say something wrong again and fuck it up worse.

" 'Cause you pissed me off so much the other day I wanted to give you a good smackin' and teach you a lesson." Bucky explained because he had mind reading powers. Had know exactly what Steve was asking from just a shrug.

Steve rolled over to his side, let out a short breath of pain as he shifted. He curled into Bucky's side, gently touching his cheek.

"Yeah," Bucky laughed, cheeks flushing even darker than when he admitted that he _did_ want to spank Steve the other day. "I know. I just told you to get over yourself and I'm here all red in the face too."

Steve just shook his head, then kissed Bucky's cheek. And yep, Bucky's face couldn't get anymore red.

"The fights you started... were you..."

Steve's turn to blush again, he squirmed in his spot and tightened a his fingers around Bucky's.

"I um, I wanna apologize for those. They um... I kept starting those so I would get in trouble again."

"So you didn't have to ask?"

"Yeah, but they just ended up making you upset."

"Let me get this straight, you purposely got yourself seriously injured because you couldn't get over your embarrassment of fucking asking for something you needed?"

"Yes, yeah, I'm sorry." He hurriedly said, trying to hide his face but Bucky squeezed his hand, a silent tell for him not to move.

"You'll be sorry." He assured. "Later though, I'm not going to do anything when your this hurt."

"Okay," Steve said, staring up at the ceiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Be honest, if it's bad I'll rewrite it.


	3. Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's injuries heal but he gets some different ones

 Steve sat next to Bucky a lot more than he already did normally. He wanted to be close and it helped that itch go away. Bucky probably realized Steve was following him around, trying to be good even though they didn't really have rules for him to follow yet. Bucky was just making this up as he went along, he had no idea what he was go doing. There weren't really any set guidelines for what they were doing, so Bucky was trying to keep Steve as safe as possible.

He could tell from the first time that he took Steve over his knee that this was a big emotional thing for him. Steve was never really good at expressing what he felt, always bottling up and then having it explode in his face. It was never good, Bucky hoped that this would help.

Steve was cuddled close to him a lot more now. Whenever they sat in the couch, Steve would end up sitting halfway in his lap. Steve had already been cuddly when they slept, the first time they shared the bed, they woke up tangled in each other. Bucky remembers how hard it had been to find the effort to get out of bed that morning.

"You okay?" Bucky asked when Steve shifted restlessly, trying to reposition himself so he was closer to Bucky again.

Steve nodded, "Yeah."

"You've been real cuddly lately."

Steve flushed red, shifting his legs away from where they touched Bucky's, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

Bucky was quick to put a hand on Steve's thigh, holding it in place. "I didn't say I minded, did I?"

Steve shook his head and relaxed again when Bucky set his book down and wrapped one of his arms around Steve's small shoulders. Bucky set his book down and used both arms to pull Steve in his lap, letting the homework Steve had been doing fall to the floor.

Steve was sitting with his back against Bucky's chest and Bucky's chin on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin', I didn't even know I was bein' like that. I'm sorry." Steve felt so open sitting in Bucky's lap like that but also protected with Bucky holding him.

"How are you're injuries."

"It's been almost three weeks, they're fine."

"Yeah?"

Steve nodded, leaning into Bucky's chest.

"Good, good." Bucky said as if considering something. "You still feel bad 'bout everything?"

Steve was squirming, he didn't know where he was trying to go but he was definitely squirming. "Yes," he said once he figured out Bucky wasn't going to let him up.

"That's what I thought. Get up." Bucky said, letting his arms go loose around Steve and nudging him a little. Steve stood, stepping one step back from Bucky, who was sitting up straight instead of leaned back into couch. "You feel guilty, don'tcha?"

Steve shifted where he stood before he nodded, "How do you -"

"You get this look in your eyes." Bucky explained.

"Oh.."

"Yeah, not as good at hiding things as you think, huh, Punk?"

"Guess not, not from you."

Bucky smiled at him, it was only for a short memory before: "So, what are you so guilty about?"

"Oh - just - you know, fighting. And uh, worryin' you."

_"Um, um."_ Bucky teased, and Steve knew Bucky was telling him he was bad at lying.

He blushed, "I hate you."

"That is really your fault. You're not good at lying."

"I do feel guilty about fightin'," Steve defended.

"Okay, but you're coverin' up the whole truth."

Steve didn't say anything, and once Bucky realized he wasn't going to answer, he started to pull at his belt buckle.

Steve eyes widened as he watched Bucky unloop his belt and fold it over once in his hand. "The hair brush didn't seem to work last time," was the only explanation Steve got before Bucky was grabbing him by the belt loops. Steve almost tripped over his own feet when Bucky was pulling him forward. Bucky pulled the suspenders off Steve's shoulder and unbuttoned his pants.

Steve looked up at the ceiling and blushed when Bucky pulled in pants and underwear down in one tug. Last time Bucky hadn't seen anything other than Steve's backside, he'd taken Steve's pants off when he was already over his lap. Now, he was exposed right in front of Bucky. However, Bucky didn't seem to be all that concerned about Steve's naked lower half and wasn't really looking because less than a second after his pants pooled around his ankles he was pulled over Bucky's knee.

He was laying different than the first time. The first time his chest had been rested on one of Bucky's knees and his hips had been rested on him the other. This time his torso was on the couch, his side pressed against Bucky's hip and his legs were already being held in place between Bucky's. One of Bucky's arms held tight around Steve's waist to keep him in place and Steve realized that he wouldn't be able to reach his arm back to try and cover his bottom. Not that he had been able to do that this first time, when he had tried it, Bucky had just pinned his arm to his back.

"So, Punk," Bucky started and Steve nodded at him even though he wouldn't be able to see. "Why would you start fights like that just to get in trouble, that's dumb. I mean I know why you did it, you already told me but _why?"_

"I was tellin' you the other day, I had a plan. It was stupid."

"Yeah. Yeah, real stupid," Bucky agreed. "What was your plan?"

Steve shook his head, too ashamed about it to explain. "I'm sorry."

"You will be if you don't answer."

Steve stayed silent.

"Okay, guess we're starting then." Bucky said more to himself than Steve but Steve still whimpered softly.

The first smack from the worn leather belt had Steve trying to jerk his legs back to protect his ass. "Keep still," Bucky warned, another smack crossing over the other.

Steve took up to thirteen before he gasped out, "My plan," Bucky landed one more hit before he let Steve talk. "It was for this. After I told you I was still hurt I knew that you would tell me no if I asked again."

"I probably woulda," Bucky agreed, gently stroking a hand of apology over the marks crossing over each other and overlapping. Bucky had already known he wouldn't be able to hit Steve as much with the belt as he would have been able to with the hairbrush. Still, the belt had seemed like a better option than the hairbrush. It hurt more and got the answers out of Steve quicker.

"I mean, I still should have asked before I went along and hurt both of us." Bucky blinked a few times, he hadn't expected an admission from Steve like that. He didn't say anything to it though, just kept soothing a hand over the marks. "But - but I was too embarrassed, you know? I'm real sorry."

"You never really told me what your plan was exactly."

"I wanted to see if you would still spank me." Steve said, hiding his face in Bucky's side. "It was dumb, I started as many fights as I could - sometimes two or three in one day."

"What?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." Apparently Bucky hadn't known about that part, he probably got himself into more trouble. Whoops.

"I tried to make you mad again, like the day you first did it. It didn't work."

"So you thought if you got me mad enough I would spank you again?"

"It just made you upset."

"I didn't want you hurt like that."

"I know."

"The only reason I have you over my knee again is to keep you safe from yourself. You coulda got died Steve, I had to take you to the hospital. What's it gonna take for you to realize that gettin' into fights isn't the answer for everything?"

Steve squirmed, his ass already throbbing, when Bucky laid the belt against his bottom again.

"What do you think, five for that terrible plan, five for purposely getting into fights and five for getting into more than one a day?"

That question had only one right answer. "Yes."

Steve had already taken fourteen earlier and now he was one smack away from thirty. His breathing was hard and he was squirming by the time Bucky had finished that set.

"I don't ever what you to fight like that to get in trouble again, you hear me?"

"I won't, I won't, I won't, I'm sorry, Buck," Steve begged, tears falling freely down his face, even if he wasn't sobbing, Bucky could tell.

"It's okay, Stevie."

"I upset you."

"I'm not anymore." Bucky assured, rubbing a hand over the forming welts. "It's okay."

"I wanna know the other reason you started those fights."

"There was not other reason." Steve said before Bucky finished talking.

The smack was unexpected on Steve's part, he jerked in Bucky's hold and yelped. Then his face was pressing into Bucky's side and he was struggling against where Bucky had his legs trapped.

"I wanted to feel something other than guilt." Steve said on the thirty-seventh smack, "I'm sorry. I know it sounds bad but -" he sobbed and shook his head.

"But what?" After a long stretch if silence Bucky added four more smacks.

"But I felt - I dunno, numb I guess. I didn't know what to do about it."

"Keep goin', what were you guilty about?" Bucky said, starting to rub over the welts again. Steve only sobbed harder.

"My ma and you." Bucky prompted him on with a light tap on the bottom, "Everything's kinda all my fault."

"It isn't but keep going."

"It is." Steve insisted.

"Do you think it's a good idea to argue with me when you're over my knee?"

"No."

"Everything's not your fault."

"Okay." Steve didn't believe it but still said it.

"Why do you think everything is your fault?"

"She died because of me." He muttered barely audible into Bucky's side.

"How?"

"We couldn't afford treatment for her because we were poor."

"We are in living in the depression, Steve, I don't know if you remember but everyone is poor."

"I know but she was still saving money for my medications when she started getting sick. I should have tried to push through it, maybe she would still be here." Steve hiccups and sobs more.

Bucky set the belt off to the floor, then was picking Steve up into a hug, Steve kept his face hidden in Bucky's neck. "Woulda, shoulda, coulda, Stevie."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I know what your saying but it's hard not to feel guilty."

"I know, but as I said before there was no way your mom was going to let you die right along with her. Parents shouldn't outlive their kids, Steve."

"I know, but she was healthy and had a long life ahead of her and I'm not even supposed to live until thirty."

"She would want you to live out everyday until then happy, you know that, Steve. Would your mom really want you to be guilty like this so long after?"

Steve shrugged. "I think now she is realizing that she wasted her life with me."

"Steve -"

"I'm serious, Bucky. She was always taking care of me and wasting so much money on me. She could have been happier if I wasn't born sick or -"

"Steve, you need to tell me if you are feeling like this. You understand?"

Steve shrugged.

"Tell me you understand right now or I'm gonna pick my belt up off the floor again and you're gonna be right back over my knee."

"I'm fine with it most of the time, Buck, really."

"You say one thing and then another, Stevie." Bucky said, laying Steve back in the same position over his lap as before. He easily pinned Steve down, despite his squirming. "First you want me to do this so you don't feel guilt but then you said you're fine - which I know is a bunch of bullshit."

Then he reached over Steve's body to the floor. He smacked without saying anything for a while, he brought the belt down until Steve was fully struggling and trying to kick his feet. Until Steve was sobbing and twisting away and apologizing. "Buck, please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'll tell you if I'm feeling like that again. Please -"

"You sure?" The belt whipped down one more time right over the back of Steve's thighs.

"Yes. Yes, I won't lie or hide it. I'll tell you."

"I don't want you to be hurting like that." Bucky said carefully.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, we're done now. You aren't I. trouble anymore."

Steve nodded and sobbed more, curling in on himself when Bucky picked him up a second time. Steve's sat in Bucky's lap, pants still twisted around his ankles and bottom throbbing. He cried into Bucky's neck and fisted his hands into Bucky's shirt.

They both were quiet for a long time, Steve's cries turned into soft sniffles. Soon enough the soft sounds of their breathing was the only noise in the room.

"Go to sleep, Steve."

"I'm not tired,"  he said, trying to stifle a yawn.

_"Um, um."_ Bucky teased.

"You're never gonna let that go, huh?"

"Nope, it was funny."

"Not that funny."

"I thought it was, now go to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that this part is wrapped up and the two of them are okay again I have some questions for the next part of the series. 
> 
> 1 would you like a part with no spanking where they discuss rules, or do you want it implied that they discussed rules?
> 
> 2 would you guys like a story where they get together and go on a date or something, or do you want it just to left up to your own interpretation if they are dating?
> 
> *** If you have any spanking prompts for me comment them and I'll work with them and give you credit, thanks***


End file.
